Maybe you just want to expose your child to the joys of the piano, or perhaps you have noticed your child has a musical affinity, maybe even a draw to the piano itself. You realize your child is ready for lessons — now, who should teach them?

“I say, find someone kind, patient, and quick to laugh.”

I say, “find someone kind, patient and quick to laugh.” That should be the starting point.

It is true that for centuries, many music teachers, (and nuns) have proudly used bullying techniques to get results from their students, instilling in them a terrible fear of making mistakes. This is especially true with small children, who are extremely easy to bully (after all, the bigger, stronger).

They say Beethoven’s dad, Johann, was a pretty mean teacher, slamming the piano cover on Ludvig’s hands if he made a mistake.

A bit too strict.

(I actually have a keyboard dust cover on one of my pianos that Johann would have loved. It’s always threatening to slam shut. My students and I call it the Guillotine and we are very careful.)

Some parents, thinking they are giving their child the best possible chance, consciously look for a teacher who is strict, perhaps even stern -- someone the child will fear a little. They don’t realize they are laying the groundwork for their children to become victims of bullying, and they don’t know how difficult it is to recover from this foundational training.

I don’t question the parents’ motives, but I can tell you how sad it is to meet a victim of these practices. Sometimes, they play brilliantly which can lead one to erroneously believe the method successful. I mean just look at Beethoven for goodness sake.

But I work with a number of these students, and when I do, it’s remedially. In other words, I have to fix what’s been broken in them. They lack confidence, suffer from anxiety, and are easily disoriented by their fear of making a mistake. Many are on the brink of turning their backs on their own giftedness forever.

For their parents, I am a last resort. After all, they actually do want their children to love music.

There are times in life when a stern teacher is exactly what is needed, but it takes a great deal of emotional maturity before a student is ready for that kind of experience. First we must learn to trust ourselves and and to love music — and that is something that must be built up and nurtured with kindness, patience and laughter.

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